certified gangsta

Bring out yr dead.

noreply@blogger.com (Certified Matt) — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 04:09:00 +0000

Sorry for the lack of posts round here. I have moved operations over to the Tumblr. It was a difficult decision. I'm not sure I'm using Tumblr correctly. I don't exactly understand what re-blogging entails and it feels like an echo chamber when I sign onto the dashboard. I certainly don't know enough ex-Gawker employees to be there. But until Blogger comes up with a way to embed mp3s, that's where I'll be.

If the film "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" Had Been Made in 2008...

noreply@blogger.com (Certified Matt) — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 01:51:00 +0000

Spicoli would have blown his reward money hiring Lil Wayne and T-Pain, together known as T-Wayne to the thinking man, to play his birthday party.

Word to Diamond Dave.

1990

noreply@blogger.com (Certified Matt) — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 21:55:00 +0000

It's real. A routine trip south of 14th Street to see what new colors the standard Uni-Qlo t-shirt is popping off in for the summer proved it.

The graduating class of 2008's neon-dipped color scheme is right in line with the year in which most it was born.

Expect Lil Mama to rip 32 bars over the following slice of YouTube nostalgia on her next mixtape.

Dispatches from The Stadium

noreply@blogger.com (Certified Matt) — Mon, 19 May 2008 21:36:00 +0000

Joba Chamberlain is now exiting the bullpen and entering home games to the sound of 57,000 fans and Tommy Lee's toms and Mick Mars' riffage.

One day we'll get to a place where a Major League Baseball reliever will feel comfortable using Guitar Wolf's "Sex Napoleon" as entrance music. "Shout At the Devil" will have to do for now.

Quotables

noreply@blogger.com (Certified Matt) — Fri, 16 May 2008 22:02:00 +0000

The world weariness in Jayceon's voice is getting fairly epic. Maybe he just stepped to the booth after a 4 a.m. karaoke slumber party on this one, but I hope that hoarseness is here to stay. Too bad that voice and an always welcome Keyshia appearance are wasted on a track that rocks its audience gently to sleep.

The endless run down and reverence for Luke, Kane, Jay, Cube, et. al. was old on the last album. There are better places than lead singles to waste time worrying about who is getting enough votes for entry into the canon. Like, maybe, here. Game, you are not a Nah Right commenter. You are a sometimes more than serviceable major label rapper with a decent following and production budget. Live in the now, man.

Also, it would appear that Raekwon has taken to the Baron Davis/Rick Ross-inspired beard trend. Check the 2:40 mark. This is cause for celebration.

I'm a hustla, baby.

noreply@blogger.com (Certified Matt) — Wed, 14 May 2008 13:42:00 +0000

Skateboard P! You sort of had me on the hyperjazz tip until the patented Neptunes piano shmaltz at 2:00.

In 20 years people are going to be paying $1,000 a plate to have Pharrell croon the hook to "I Just Wanna Love U" on the main stage at Caesar's Palace.

So can anyone enlighten as to what, exactly, this song about?

UPDATE/REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMIX!:

If only every meh N.E.R.D. song got a 24 hour makeover and some double-time raps from P to the Ush Ah.

Loose fit

noreply@blogger.com (Certified Matt) — Thu, 01 May 2008 15:13:00 +0000

After repeated listens, the new Rich Boy mixtape is officially an unexpected gem. It is straight up heartening to see a dude with promise come back from a half-misfire of a debut by playing totally to his strengths. With summer approaching we could all use a fresh batch of drawled out car talk over in-house down south production.

That said, it's still hard getting used to snarl-mouthed rappers rapping raps about Ecstasy.

Dude? Robert Miles? The circa 1997 Euro-club takeover of rap is unstoppable. Probably not a bad thing.

To complicate the mix even further, "Rollin Rollin" was a Jackie Chain joint before Rich Boy got his hands on it. He actually makes references to catching back rubs in the VIP in the original. Apologies for showing up five months late to the party Jackie.

Here's hoping "Go" supplants "Scarface" as default hip hop movie reference, if only for a few months.

Endorsement opportunities

noreply@blogger.com (Certified Matt) — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 23:43:00 +0000

This Santogold album, when one finally stops putting it off for fear of dashed expectations, is approximately 12-15 times better than anticipated. It also contains a song titled, "Shove It." It features Spank Rock doing his best Rich Boy impression and a chorus, chanted ad nauseum, of, "we think you're a joke, shove your hope where it don't shine."

Sly political commentary? Blatant attempt at that Clinton donor guap? Just some shit that sounds vaguely contrarian enough for the post-M.I.A. image?

Dispatches from the continent

noreply@blogger.com (Certified Matt) — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 20:13:00 +0000

From a recently received email titled, "new kylie minogue":

"'in my arms' WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! peace, im in amsterdam right now gotta go get high"

Kanye borrows Euro-club sensibility. Queen of Euro-club sensibilities borrows Kanye's sunglasses. Makes sense.

Let it bleed

noreply@blogger.com (Certified Matt) — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 20:45:00 +0000

The are many remarkable things about the Soulwax re-imagining of "You Can't Always Get What You Want." The most might be the fact that, after hearing the song literally hundreds of times on classic rock radio for the last 25 years, Mick's phrasing of "50-amp fuse" has finally revealed itself.

Listen here.

Melodrama

noreply@blogger.com (Certified Matt) — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 15:33:00 +0000

Say what you wanna. I ride for M83.

Hey Jeezy, Can I get an adlib?

noreply@blogger.com (Certified Matt) — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 00:39:00 +0000

Usher Ush! Congratulations on delivering the first true sign that the northeast quadrant of the U.S.A. is defrosting.

But dude, as the trend seems to be for very small, very low-res viewing of videos, why do you stay eff-ing with letterbox?

New Skin

noreply@blogger.com (Certified Matt) — Sat, 29 Mar 2008 04:50:00 +0000

I have started a thought stream on Tumblr.

You can check it here.

The purpose of a Tumblr is a work in progress but, hell, it really vibes with posting frequently... and things as frivolous as Descendents covers on the piano.

Brave new world.

YES!

noreply@blogger.com (Certified Matt) — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 02:41:00 +0000

Dumb Out

noreply@blogger.com (Certified Matt) — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 13:40:00 +0000

This one has already been discussed at length. Some people love it. Some people hate it. Some people are aware that it is a blatant crossover attempt in which the greatest rapper alive doesn't rap and bows to the android R&B flavor du jour.

Whatever your policy stance on "Lollipop," it's worth pointing out that Weezy F. Baby stays innovating. He figured out the one thing that the android R&B flavor du jour needed more of: guitar solos!

Why does he run?

noreply@blogger.com (Certified Matt) — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 00:11:00 +0000

About a week ago the BBC ran a segment that featured Anwan "Slim Charles" Glover, the recipient of a few misplaced handgun rounds himself, being interviewed about gun violence in our nation's capital. To keep things fair and balanced, some lady in professional business attire showed how long it takes her to load the assault shotgun she keeps locked under her bed, in case someone was coming up the staircase to stick her up for some of that PAC cake.

Obviously, this was something that I had hoped to share with the Internet. The BBC, unfortunately, didn't get the embeddable Flash player memo.

On the day that Georgetown went and shot more than a few brackets point blank, this Tabi Bonney jam will have to suffice.

THIS IS A BORING VIDEO

noreply@blogger.com (Certified Matt) — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 17:01:00 +0000

That said, it accompanies some of the best drums recent memory.

Take Your Charge cont.

noreply@blogger.com (Certified Matt) — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 17:47:00 +0000

Three more questions raised by B.G.'s new Gangsta Grillz mix tape:

1. Does DJ Drama's voice just have a natural echo effect on it at this point?

2. Like, if he orders at Starbucks, does it sound something like this: "Let me get that tall cinnamon dolce latte-ottayottayottay..."?

3. How stoked are you for the Hot Boys reunion?

Take Your Charge

noreply@blogger.com (Certified Matt) — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 21:54:00 +0000

Three questions raised by B.G.'s new Gangsta Grillz mix tape:

1. Hey, Cliff, you're not really going to keep up this whole "there is T.I. and then there is T.I.P." thing, are you?

2. How did it take someone this long to rap some raps over "The Final Countdown"?

3. Where you been, Jeezy? Glad to have you back.

Damn, Gina!

noreply@blogger.com (Certified Matt) — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 19:27:00 +0000

Q: How good does a beat have to be to still, six months after its release, overcome the following metaphorical metaphors...

I. Exclaiming that one's hatred for the paparazzi is greater than the National Socialist Party's hatred of nearly everything,
II. Comparing the loneliness deep in one's soul to a, "Katrina with no FEMA,"
III. Thinking about the preceding comparison, reconsidering it, then exclaiming that said loneliness actually felt more like, "Martin with no Gina,"
IV. Somehow squeezing the Mona Lisa and Julius Caesar into a romantic (lowercase r) relationship in the same historical period?

A: This fucking good.

Cam would have absolutely murdered about half of that album.

Good Grief

noreply@blogger.com (Certified Matt) — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 01:53:00 +0000

Not that I had confused Bernard Freeman with someone who was going to do a year of magical thinking or anything, but this is, ahem, fantastic news.

Word to Eskay and, of course, R.I.P. Chad.

How Does He Know I Know?

noreply@blogger.com (Certified Matt) — Sun, 27 Jan 2008 22:06:00 +0000

I am hereby officially predicting big things for D.G. Yola in 2008. He certainly can only improve upon his 2007.

First off: solid track. Second off: how many dudes with trachs do you know who would continue to rip it in the manner above?

Aspirational Living

noreply@blogger.com (Certified Matt) — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 18:05:00 +0000

It's Thanksgiving. You are in your home town. You are at a bar. Every time you have been to this bar it feels like karaoke night, though the bar does not bill itself as a karaoke bar. You are impressed by a woman in her 50s who rocks "Take Another Little Piece of My Heart" in a sort of Aretha/Janis hybrid. She looks like the secretary who worked in your middle school principal's office.

Then, this next one drops and it's impossible to tell who's supposed to the official karaoke champ because the whole place loses it. Everyone is singing every word. You see one couple actually mouth the chorus to each other in a manner that suggests they have done it many, many times before. You are baffled because you consider yourself a lover of pop music, but you have never heard this song before...

"That's curious," you think, and make some joke about not knowing that Saliva or Puddle of Mudd or whoever was still making music. You go back to your aluminum Bud Light bottle and the story about your friend and the cute Spanish teacher that one summer after graduation.

A few months later, you're spending more time in the '97 Volvo than you have in a while (what with the MetroCard and oil crisis and all) and you cannot escape this song on the FM dial. One morning, on the way to cop your grande Yukon Blend, it hits you. This thing stands at the perfect intersection of, like, 18 different genres of very popular, very American music. You realize that Nickelback is Canadian. You press on, undaunted.

Conversational Nashville tone? Check. Pull myself up out of the hood luxury living speak? Check. Classic rock sound? Check. An inexplicable reference to quesadillas spoken by what sounds like Satan? Check.

What hath you wrought, MuzikMafia?

For a moment there, you think you are brilliant. Only when you get home and fire up GooTube, you discover that Nickelback and their video direction team totally knew what they were doing. The video for the song says it pretty well: lots of people spanning lots of different demographics -- from the Great One to noted high school fantasy Eliza Dushku -- seem to like Nickelback a lot.

Only, wait. You're not sure you get it. The song seems to be snidely acknowledging the absurdity of the lifestyle that it speaks of. But the video sort of celebrates it:

"You're fine by us, Dale Jr.; you got rich but you keep it real."

"Stars, yo, they're just like us."

Is this the new populism?

You begin to see why it is, exactly, that Big John Edwards has been having a rough go of it so far in 2008.

Back Like Zab

noreply@blogger.com (Certified Matt) — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 14:36:00 +0000

Add us up, dumb fuck: the sum of all your fears.

Mobile Text Updates From The Edge

noreply@blogger.com (Certified Matt) — Sat, 19 Jan 2008 16:04:00 +0000

This shit still slays. See you some time after 12 p.m. Tuesday.